Pre-trip: I have nine days to pack and of course I wait until it gets down to one day because I like working under pressure. Not all hope is lost, however! In the interim, I’ve made a sweet list of things I need and may possibly need and never delete anything until it gets time to pack. As for packing, I have all my stuff in a big pile of crap on the floor in no discernible order and eventually it makes it into two separate bags and then genius strikes me, I can combine both small bags into one gigantic bag with all my camping gear and check all the dangerous goods in one bag. Now normally I am opposed to checking in bags because it’s slow and you risk losing a bag but in this case the airline is afraid I might bludgeon someone with my tent pole or stab a non-vampire through the heart with my steel tent stakes. Not that I would but sometimes you need options. Thanks TSA. Also, I brought sunblock. 9oz #deal

Trip: I already fucked up. I ate some mediocre breakfast platter and immediately after leaving the restaurant I walked by a taco stand in IAH. This sucks because Mexican food is my favorite food after 2: sushi and 1: macaroni and cheese.

One thing I noticed about this plane is that all the Asians must be on another flight. Sounds about right. Good thing I don’t work in public relations or this might get tweeted and I’ll lose my job before the flight will have landed. This is going to be the longest flight I’ve ever been on at 4-4.5 hours. There’s a freaking TV and credit card swiper on the back of the seat!! 2013 we have arrived!!

As you can see, I haven’t really flown a lot on planes (magic carpet being the preferred method as of late) until the last two years and I used to want a hot chick to sit next to me but that never happened so now all I want is someone to not be fat to sit near me. 50% success rate so far!

I’m headed to Puerto Rico and then Culebra on Monday. Gonna sit on the beach and do nothing for a long time. If I land and see comments, sweet! If we don’t land then uh…not sweet 😡😡😡